Dear John, I recently graduated from a university. If anyone had ever told me that I would be seeking advice from a newspaper columnist I would certainly have laughed that person to scorn. But John, I now have a serious problem with my mother and I need some guidance.
I live with my mother and two younger siblings. Our dad is dead. Mum has now established a curfew which states that I must be in the house before midnight during the week and before 2 a.m. on weekends.
I have recently begun to work and I am making a significant financial contribution to the management and upkeep of the house. I love and respect my mother and I find it almost impossible to disobey her.
Is there anything I can do to get her to realise I am now an adult and she should not be placing such restrictions on me. I dread what will happen to my younger brother and my sister who is about to leave secondary school. How should I deal with this situation and still maintain my respect for her and set a proper example for my siblings?
– RESPECTFUL GRADUATE SON
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DEAR RESPECTFUL SON, it is quite thrilling that in the year 2014 there still young men who are so sensitive and respectful to their mothers. I will try to help you solve your problem with the sensitivity it deserves.
(1) Sit with your mum and explain to her that you are now a young man. Let her know that most of the events and activities you attend, including the visits you make tend to finish so late that it will be impossible for you to meet her curfew hours but you will try to comply with her stipulations.
(2) During your next few activities away from home call mum around 11:30 or 1:30, letting her know that things are still in full swing and that it appears as if you will be arriving late. Do this at least six times and I bet she will see the light and begin to change.
(3) Negotiate a key. Point out to her that you do not want to disturb her or your siblings when you return home from an evening out.
(4) Are there any aunts, uncles, a pastor, mum’s good friends who can help you in discussions with her? If so, ask one or two of them to speak with her stressing your respect for her and your wish to please her at all times.
(5) Assure her that you love and care for her, but if she cannot trust you as a mature and responsible adult you will regrettably have to leave home and rent an apartment or house where you can function as an adult person. Let her know that parental love must grow towards separation, and that one day coming soon you will be leaving home to set up your own family and possibly provide her with the grandchildren she will begin to love. Be firm. Be adult. Be ever respectful to your mum. – JOHN
