WELL A MONTH AGO, I beg Sinckler like a dog in hot sun begging for li’l water, not to hit we with any more taxes.
However, after hearing the Budget speech, I can safely say that he pulled one them stunts that my children used to pull when I asked them to put away their toys and go to bed. He either ain’t hear me, pretend he ain’t hear me, or hear me and ain’t pay me no mind.
But in all honesty, I was expecting the Budget speech to be worse, not that I saying it was good, ’cause as a middle class person I get a good lash from it. But I was looking for more blows.
Anyhow, I still feel Sinckler missed some things to make some money from. So the other morning I was in front the mirror, pretending to be him delivering the Budget speech. Hear how it went.
Mr Speaker, sir, I now turn my attention to Remy and donkey hair. It is no secret, sir, that many men got women and have never seen their real hair. In fact, when some women take off them hair the li’l children don’t even recognise them. Therefore, sir, effective September 1, there will be a 50 per cent tax on all donkey, mule, squirrel, mouse and Remy hair. Mr Speaker, sir, this new tax will be known as the Hair Ain’t Real Tax or H.A.I.R Tax. In addition, all women who wear donkey hair will now have to pay an annual licence of $1 000 per year to do so, and men who still wear jheri curls will pay $2 000.
Mr Speaker, I now turn to idiots. We got a lot of idiots ’bout here doing a lot of foolishness. We got fellas riding ’bout bicycles at night without lights, riding motorcycles in traffic with the front wheel in the air, fellas walking ’bout with their pants falling off and all them underwear showing. Therefore, sir, with immediate effect, all idiots will now have to get a licence to be an idiot, the money from which will be used to fund education at the UWI.
In addition Mr Speaker, construction will begin shortly on a facility where people who want to shoot and pelt bottles at one another can do so without innocent people getting in the way. This initiative, sir, which is being funded by two funeral homes, is expected to save the lives of several innocent bystanders.
Mr Speaker, sir, I now turn to horner men and sugar daddies? My Guvment is of the view sir, that if a man could afford to walk ’bout supporting women all in the name of “something for something” then the Treasury should also benefit. Therefore, sir, all sugar daddies and horner men, must now have the necessary licence which will cost $1 000 per year. This will be known as the Wuk Fuh Wuk Licence. In addition, if a man is horning more than one man or got a woman weighing more than 500 pounds, he must have the requisite heavy duty licence.
Mr Speaker, sir, my Guvment has heard the complaints from many Barbadians about the amount of ugly and unmannerly people in the country. Therefore, we will be introducing the Ugly and Unmannerly Tax.
Mr Speaker, sir, we can no longer afford to allow people to work freely in our hotels, restaurants and other business places who are unmannerly. Therefore, from midnight tonight, any person who is found to be unmannerly will pay a fine of $5 000, and if you are ugly and unmannerly, the fine will be one million dollars.
How yuh like muh? See ya.
E-mail: madderic@hotmail.comtwitter@madderic
