I CONFESS: Let down by married lover
I’M IN A DIFFICULT situation and not sure what I can do to get out of it.My problem is that I am seriously in love with a married man. He got married only two years ago, but we were involved a few years before then.When I met him, he was talking to the other girl he is now married to. It did not bother me that he was dealing with someone else at the time because I just wanted a good friend, and not necessarily an intimate relationship. I had just come out of a bad affair and wasn’t in a rush to get back into anything serious too quickly, so the arrangement suited me.But as time went on, I realised that he was a really nice guy and before I knew it, we were intimate. We began spending more and more time together. We began going out openly together, and he would even sleep over. We were so good together that I considered him my man. He never used to talk about the other girl, and I never used to ask about her.I really enjoyed him and thought we would be together for the rest of my life. But all of that changed when he dropped the bombshell that he was getting married. To be truthful, it took me by surprise because I didn’t realise that he was still dealing with her.I was annoyed at first, but then I calmed down because I realised that she was a younger woman with no children, and he wanted to have children. As an older woman with a child, I didn’t think it right to deprive him of that as I had no intention of ever becoming pregnant again.So he went ahead and got married, but within a few days he was back with me as always. And that brings me to my dilemma. These days when he comes over he is constantly looking at his watch and is always seems to be in a hurry.He is no longer willing to stay a few hours and have a nice time like we used to. When he comes, he just has sex and leaves immediately after. I feel like a prostitute as there is not that attention and emotion anymore. Two people who care for each other should take time to be together and enjoy each other’s company. But that doesn’t happen between us anymore.The other problem I have is that I recently lost my job. With no money coming in but with rent to pay, food to buy and a teenager to send to school, I need a hand. He never used to support me before, but when I became unemployed I hoped he would step up and help me out until I got another job. But that has not happened, even though I asked him as my man to help me.I don’t know what to do now. All he wants is sex and he is off. He is enjoying his life with his wife, and I am here all alone and broke.I thought about leaving him out and getting someone else, but when I think of trying to meet someone new and having to develop that relationship, I am scared.It’s not easy out there as a single woman trying to get a man. If he is 40-plus and single, he is either a player, gay or divorced. If he is married, all he is looking for is a good time. And if you go in church to find someone, some men in there can be players, gay or on the down low. You have to be so careful these days! That was why I stayed with my friend all these years, though he was talking to someone else, because at least I knew what sort of man he was and what he stood for.But now I realise I cannot continue allowing myself to be used like this. I am a woman who likes a lot of loving, and I always take good care of my man. I really deserve better than this, but I am scared to walk away.