Dear Christine,I am seeking your advice on a very urgent matter. My boyfriend and I have been living together for nearly three years. When I celebrated my 20th birthday four months ago, he said things were tight so he could not afford a present. When our little boy reached two years old a few weeks ago, it was the same story. But now I am hearing that he bought a cellphone for his other child mother for her birthday, which is close to our son’s date.Would you agree with me that this act shows he is still involved with her? And what do you think I should do about this situation? — STDear S.T.,Before I advise you on what action you could take in this matter, I must comment on the circumstances under which you live.Based on what you said, you would have been living with your boyfriend from the time you were 17 and would have had a child for him at age 19. You don’t say how old he is or how old his other child is, and if you are employed or not.
What we find difficult to understand is how a 17-year-old can be living under such adult circumstances. Don’t you have a parent or guardian? At 17 you were nothing more than a teenager. You should have been enjoying life to the fullest, not living in a man-woman situation.
S.T., please don’t think that I am condemning you. But it hurts to see girls lose their youth like you are doing. There is so much more that life has to offer. Even if you didn’t manage to finish school for whatever reason, there are several training opportunities available where you can further your studies. I urge you, if you can, to seek out some of these opportunities to develop yourself, and hopefully be able to make yourself independent.As to what I think and what you should do, I would ask him if what I am hearing is true. I would also seek to find out what is the nature of their relationship; that is, is he still intimate with her?
If he is involved and you have nowhere to go or can’t make him stop seeing her, you should insist on using protection against contracting a sexually transmitted disease, and make sure that you do not get pregnant anytime soon again to increase my dependency on him.If he says he is not fooling around with her, You would want to know why she is claiming he gave her a cellphone. You should ask him to limit his interaction with her as well since she clearly is seeking to get between you and him by her claims.
But if I were you, I would seek to get out of that relationship altogether. At 20 you need to keep your options in life open and should not tie yourself down with a man who seems to like spreading his seed around. I hope that helps. – Christine
