Dear Christine,
I would like your advice on this matter as soon as possible because I have a decision to make. It concerns my boyfriend. I think he is using me and I’m determined to put a stop to it.
Christine, I only see him on weekends – some Friday nights, Saturdays for sure and a few times on Sunday. This is because we both work, neither of us have a vehicle or ready access to one, and where we live we would have to take two buses to get to each other.
Though I lived with these constraints for years, I feel that I’m being used because when he comes over all he wants is to be intimate. While I am happy to do this, I don’t want to all the time (like during the day on Saturday when my family is at home) as he seems to. Why is it that he can’t understand that?
Besides, why can’t we budget for going out at least once a month and pay for a taxi to come home? Why can’t he understand that if we are thinking about marriage we have to do more things to get to know each other better? Do you agree with my position?
– J
Dear J,
You are correct to take this stand. Love and marriage is more than just about sex. Communication and enjoying each other’s company doing things together are essential as well.
I suspect from what you said that you have spoken to him about this situation already. But I think you need to reinforce it with another discussion in which you should outline your concerns point for point, and let him know that if there is no change in his behaviour you will quit the relationship.
To be fair, you need to give him some idea of what you would like to do and find out from him what he would want to do. Then, as a couple, work on achieving these goals.
If he is unwilling to do these things, then let him go as he can’t be serious. But if he makes an effort and seems genuinely happy to be doing so, then you may want to reassess your decision. I hope this helps.
– Christine
