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DE MARKET VENDOR – Two big men who not comin’ back

luigimarshall, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR – Two big men who not comin’ back

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I did plan to write this piece last Friday but decide to wait till after midnight Australia time and then till after midnight Bubbadus time. Eventually, I wait till 2 a.m. Bubbadus time whichin is midnight Belize time.
Then I say, what de hell, like I still living and the doomsday people who say de world coming to an end pun Saturday gone, May 21st, did talking bare foolishness. The truth is dat iffing de world did coming to an end, I did not want to waste Antoinette Connell time at the Nation reading an article that was not going to get printed! So I waited and waited. Is Market Fault (IMF) this time!
That brings me to the point whichin I was wondering iffing the now resigned head of the International Monetary Fund and apparent front-runner in the race to oppose President Sarkozy, of France, Dominique Strauss-Kahn had doomsday pun he mind and decide he had to have sex before the due date.
So he chose to, allegedly, grab a chambermaid and try to force heself pun she! Or maybe he had just seen Maid In Manhattan and got the wrong picture! Whatever it was, now he days doomed and instead of living in the lap of luxury suites he could become a lap dancer in jail wid a big, hairy musclebound man calling he “Sweets” or “Do Do, darling!”
A New York escort service woulda send he a nice Russian at $1000 per hour who would dress up like a chambermaid and play catch me if you KAHN around de suite. Cost? Much less than what yuh gwine pay now! I say to he, look in de mirror and say IMF, Is My Fault!
However, ‘tis rumoured that while he chances of becoming French president are as likely as bin Laden is to find 100 virgins in the pearly gates, he is reputed to have a great shot at the Italian prime minister’s job!
The political scene gets more bizarre. Arnold Schwarzenegger won’t be back as governor of Cali Forneeyea nor the matrimonial home. Maria Shriver tell he hit the road! You will not be back! Serious though, Arnold, the maid, the housekeeper? You mean you did percolating wid de wife and the housekeeper at the same time?
Both women gave birth five days apart with your children! You must be a West Indian! You disrepect de wife summuch, Arnie? Twenty years the lady wukking fuh wunnah and you did fixing up all this time?
But exactly how dis does wuk though? And where wunnah used to do it? Did you leave de house and tell de wife “I will be back” and next few minutes you pun de maid back? Don’t tell muh that wunnah used to do it in the master bedroom! And why wait 14 years to tell de wife and de world ‘bout the love child.
Arnold, you need glasses, I see de woman!
Did she get terminate after yuh percolate or did she withdraw her services, de wuk, that is?  Arnold, you reckless, now you gwine fork out condominiums!
Maria, as fuh you, you been singing Tammy Wynette song “stand by your man” fuh years. But seriously, when that lil boy did come to visit wunnah at de house, you didn’t find that he did looking tall and handsome like Arnold? Nothing at all, nuh light bulbs ain’t went off in you head? I waiting pun Arnold ‘cause whenever it done, he too gine be hollering IMF, Is Maid Fault!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now, you have a blessed and a wonderful day yuh hear!