AWRIGHT DEN – My son horn me
AS STRANGE AS IT SOUNDS, I am sure that people have heard stories of a father being horned by his son or even a mother being horned by her daughter. Today’s article is about a father who was horned by his ten-year-old child.
Michael Schofield and I were acquaintances and would shout each other from time to time when we did see each other. One day, as I was having a conversation with some people in the office about marriage and relationships, he decided to join the conversation. At the point he joined, we were discussing why some men have outside women.
As the conversation went on, he began to share a personal experience. He said, “Corey, I love my family and I love my child, but I don’t want another one.” I asked, “Why?”
He said that before he had a child he was the king of his home but after his child born, he was quickly replaced.
Routinely he would arrive home, take a shower and proposition wifey.
Now, my friend said, others things get in the way.
“She would tell me that she has to do homework with our son. When she done the homework, I went back to her and she say she has to prepare him for bed. When that done, she has to read a bedtime story. When it was time to go to sleep, I would approach her and she would tell me she tired.
“This continued for a long time, each time another excuse and story. I even offered to help with the responsibility of my son but she spent most if not all of her free time with our son. It felt as if I was replaced. Actually, I was.”
Peter told me that he still loves his family but he has since found an outside woman to fulfil him sexually and to give him the attention and affection he desires.
During my wife’s pregnancy, we discussed this issue time and time again and I made it very clear that I didn’t want to be the next father/husband sharing the story of being replaced by their child. We decided to implement specific practices to protect our relationship.
After my daughter was born, I quickly realized a mother’s love for her child was special. So special, that I believe a man may never understand it. Even though I don’t understand it, I respect it. But I strongly believe in the theory of spouse first, child after.
With the addition of our baby, my relationship with my wife changed. Actually, it had to, since it was no longer just the two of us. One of the measures we implemented was that when either of us got home, we would greet each other first with a hug or kiss before greeting the baby.
I must confess that my wife was really good at doing this. I, on the other hand, struggled in the beginning and sometimes still forget.
I can remember one evening coming home and my wife and baby greeted me at the door. I immediately said with a high, dramatic voice, “Looka my sweet baby girl,” and proceeded to give my daughter a kiss.
My wife turned the baby around and said, “You mean me, right?” I started to laugh and said, “Sorry, sweetness. Spouse first, baby after.”
There are other things I can share with you that we practise since the addition of our little one to make sure our relationship remains strong, progressive, fun and loving.
Some people may not see the necessity of the “spouse first, child after” theory, but I encourage them to think about it. If this theory isn’t taken seriously, what could end up happening is that within a few years the child would have two parents who love them tremendously but they would be separated.
There is no benefit in substituting the love you as a couple share for each other with the love you share for your child. Children must understand they are loved but must also understand that mummy and daddy love each other also.
Corey Worrell is a former Commonwealth youth ambassador. Email [email protected]