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SECRETS’ CORNER – To thine own self be true


Carol Martindale

SECRETS’ CORNER – To thine own self be true

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We’re living in a serious times/Don’t let the devil control your mind/The time is so serious, cantankerous and dangerous/All over the world everyone is in heated rush/The time is so serious, cantankerous and dangerous/Is only in the Father do I put my trust. – Admiral Tibet
 
THERE IS NO DOUBT that we are living in some serious times.
Times are tough and every day people are crying out. Jobs, too, are hard to come by, so it’s not that easy to turn your head when an opportunity comes your way to earn a pay packet each week or month.
There are some factors, though, that come into play when you are deciding if you should or should not take a job. Some are serious and some trivial, but the truth is that they all come into play in the weighty decisions.
So, imagine in this current economic climate, when we hear the Governor of the Central Bank
Dr Delisle Worrell himself saying that Barbadians should brace for more job losses, a job opportunity coming your way and you have to battle with the decision of whether you should or should not take it.
Some would say it’s a no-brainer – but is it as easy as that? This week’s question asked about a tricky situation: Do?you think a married woman or one in a committed relationship should consider an offer from her former lover to work in his office, no strings attached, given how difficult it is to find a job these days?
My advice is: To thine own self be true.
If you know you are over this relationship and fully committed to your current one, establish clear boundaries and don’t let this job pass you by.
However, if you know you are not safe around your ex because of the feelings you may still have for him, then protect yourself and your lover and say no. Don’t put yourself or your relationship on the line.
I have shared my view. now hear what some others had to say in this week’s Secret’s Corner.
– “Why the heck not? It is about the job! No strings attached means just that. Set out clearly defined boundaries from the outset and if he crosses the line, then quit. Moreover, it has to do with the quality of friendship and the level of respect that exists between the two. Once there is genuine cordial friendship and mutual respect, then go for it. Once there, aim to maintain a high level of professionalism and work ethic.
“The partner should be trusting and mature enough to respect the decision made by his wife/partner to take the job. He should note the qualities that attracted him to her and use them as his guide to support her in her decision. However, if that old flame begins to light up, then it’s time to quit!”
– “If they have an understanding and can get along, no problem, because there are some ex-partners that do get along better after the relationship has ended. So, whatever works for them. Anything other than that will spell disaster.”
– “You would have weighed the likelihood of getting another such job and the amount of money against the possible effect it would have on your relationship with your current spouse or partner.
“The best thing to do is to share the details of the job offer with your significant other, and hopefully both of you will be able to accept it as just an opportunity to improve your cash flow.”
– “A lot of factors should be considered. How serious was the relationship, how long ago and what were the terms of the break-up? How frequent is the interaction? For me personally, it’s a pay cheque and long-term unemployment causes more strain on a marriage potentially than seeing an ex that you care nothing about.”
– “This is a catch-22 situation. I go to work with my ex and those feelings might very well creep in, so I am staying clear. They say business and friendship do not mix.”
– “Why not? . . . If my ex offers me a job, I’m taking it – full stop. Why should his being my ex have anything to do with work? Thankfully, I involve myself with upstanding, sensible men so that won’t be a problem. If you know you were with a senseless, immoral man, you would have to answer for yourself.”
– “You have to set boundaries from the beginning.”
– “Somehow most people are forgetting one important thing. The present involvement. I strongly believe this is first and foremost a discussion for the couple.
“No partner, I imagine, would be comfortable with his/her spouse making such a decision without consultation as it may come over as having a secret desire to rediscover old flames. It wouldn’t be smart to spoil the present relationship over this and end up quitting the job or being fired because of inappropriate behaviour on the part of the spouse or her ex. Again, no one has stopped to think if the job offer is genuine while the spouse may be jumping at an opportunity to rekindle the relationship. She should discuss with her partner, make her decision and be prepared to accept the outcome.”
– “Personally, I think it is a wrong move. Although you may start out with the whole ‘no strings attached’, it will not stay that way. Therefore, don’t go there at all. Look for a job elsewhere!”
–  “No way! That’s just asking for trouble!”
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