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DEAR CHRISTINE: Lovesick over older man

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Lovesick over older man

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Dear Christine,
I am writing to you with a very heavy heart.
I am in love with this man who knows how I feel about him because I told him, but I do not know how he feels about me.
I really think he is in shock to know how I feel about him.
Christine, I saw him at a funeral and when he saw me, he smiled at me. I was barely able to give him a faint smile back.
I just stared at him, and he stared back at me. I felt weak and could not move. I wanted to go to him but could not move. Christine, we are two experienced adults, but when men get a certain age, they tend to look for younger women.
I feel as though he would not want me; he is older than I am.
Two of my relatives have told me I look older than they do, and one of them is 74 years old. Christine, when she saw me, she cried.
I have problems in my family and I am not eating. This is showing in my face. I don’t even sleep at night. This man is constantly on my mind – no matter where I go, I see his face. I truly love him and I have never had such feelings for any other man.
If I had the money to pay to get Botox done I would do it just for this man. God in Heaven knows I really love this man. I love him so much it hurts.
Christine, if I do not get this man, I will take my life. I don’t think I can live without him.
Please write to me soon before it’s too late. I just cannot live without him.
If anyone out there criticizes me, I will say to them, “You don’t know what real love is.”
Dear Hurting,
As I read your letter, I visualized a person who first needs to learn how to love herself. Until you do that, no one will truly love you.
I caution you not to harbour all this love you speak about for this man – especially when he is not displaying any such love for you.
I know sometimes we believe we cannot do without a particular person and our love for that individual is so strong that we simply must have him or her.
The truth is, we cannot make anyone love us. When we love an individual who does not return our love, we tend to believe that life is not worth living.
Do not be fooled by this lie. If we give ourselves enough time, we’ll discover there may well be someone so much better for us waiting somewhere in the wings.
Do not try to change yourself for this man; do it because you see the need to develop yourself as an individual – for your own sake.
I am afraid that you are dangerously making yourself sick – both in mind and body. My advice to you right now would be to look after your health.
You mentioned that you are dealing with family issues and you are not eating or sleeping well.
Visit the doctor promptly and be advised on what you need to do to get your health back on track. This is most important. I am sure that just by doing this you’ll change your appearance for the better.
Never love anyone more than you love yourself. To even consider taking your life because someone does not return your love is foolish. Who do you think will win in the end? Real love is about loving others as much as you love yourself, not more than you love yourself.
What you are describing to me is nothing more than a fixation. Love yourself more deeply and recognize that you have worth. In addition, if you feel the need to talk to someone, I would advise that you contact The Samaritans at 429-9999.