DEAR CHRISTINE: Hard to accept child after fiancée raped
I am a young man in my early 30s who truly loves my fiancée.
However, while I am contemplating marriage, I am having difficulty with the fact that my girlfriend was raped, got pregnant and decided to keep the child. This happened two years ago.
We have been together for five years. Christine, the past two years have been the most challenging for me. Some nights I could not sleep, and many times I contemplated leaving her, but because I knew she needed me to be there for her, I could not walk away. Her decision to keep the child was based on the fact that she does not believe in abortion.
The guy who raped her was known by her and is now in prison, as there was a court case and all the drama that accompanies cases of this sort.
I would describe my fiancée as an intelligent woman. She has a pretty good job and is very independent.
When her parents realized she was pregnant, they too asked her to have an abortion, or give the child up for adoption, but she refused.
Christine, I live each day knowing that there is this child who will one day be a permanent part of our lives once we become husband and wife. Currently, my fiancée is living at her parents.
I want to prepare myself mentally for that time. Right now, it is not so difficult because we see each other about twice a week and just once on weekends.
My fiancée adores this child and tells me no matter what I say it is her child. She says a child needs a mother more than anything else and she would not want 20 years from now to be in the position where she has to sit down and wonder what happened to that child she gave birth to.
I can understand this, and I thank God that she never allowed her ordeal to get her down. However, how can I best condition myself to be mentally prepared for when the three of us will live under the same roof?
I know it cannot be easy for you, but time has a way of healing. The best way to prepare yourself for the future with your fiancée and this child is to learn to love this child. You have to get it in your head that your fiancée was the victim. This child is not the result of an affair, and this child did not ask to be born.
Just as you love your fiancée try to love this child who has become a part of her life. Respect her for the decision she has made – the decision to love and care for this child.
I am sure she would be extremely happy if you would embrace this child as much as she has.
You can play a great part in their lives by being the real father that this child definitely needs.
Do little things for the child as well, like buying clothing and food. As you give of yourself I know your heart will warm.
I respect your fiancée for making the decision she did, and I also respect you for sticking it out with her, even during those times when you felt like giving up on your relationship.
You’ve come this far and I believe the worst is behind you. Love never fails, and you’ve proven this. If you believe in prayer, don’t hesitate to ask God for the inner strength you’ll need. You can also ask him to place love in your heart for the little one.
I am sure all will be well.