De final trip – wid a difference
How t’ings wid you, girl-chile? I hey, thankful to de Almighty fuh life an’ strengf, an’ counkin’ all muh blessin’s as I sit hey watchin’ de “marrish” an’ de “parrish” rushin’ ’long.
Why people always in sech a hurry, doh? We want evuht’ing now! Time “tight”, even in deaf! I recently read dat in Chicago, Louisana an’ California yuh could now atten’ a funeral widout even gettin’ out yuh car!
Drive-t’rough funeral parlours in dese states offerin’ non-stop service fuh mourners eiduh too bizzy or onwillin’ to spen’ li’l time wid de fambly o’ de deceased! Dese funeral directors, realizin’ de position, decide to help out by mekkin’ t’ings as quick as possible fuh mourners!
Yuh only need to drive t’rough a undercover viewin’ area at de parlour an’ go pas’ de decease’, set out in a nice decorated section, behin’ a long display winder mek from bulletproof glass. Mebbee duh mek it bulletproof to prevent any enemies wantin’ to put a final bullet or two in de decease fuh de las’ time – jes’ to mek sure – an’ so turn de “drive-t’rough” into a “driveby”!
Anyhow, as fas’ as yuh in, yuh out! Evuht’ing wrap up quick-so, one, two, t’ree an’ yuh gone, wid a clear conscience dat yuh pay yuh respecks!
I onderstan’ we now got a drive-t’rough pharmacy, but I don’ t’ink a drive-t’rough funeral parlour would evuh succeed hey, it would inconvenience tummuch people!
I got nighbers dat want time off from wuk to go to one funeral in de mornin’ an’ anethuh in de aftuhnoon – ’pon de same day – an’ vex when duh cyahn get de time! Some does even phone in sick an’ stop home! Ethuhs use funerals as a chance fuh people to see dem, ‘specially ef duh t’ink de decease is wuh dem consider a “big shot”! Never had no contack wid de person in life, but mus’ be present in deaf!
Some could hire out duhselves as “puffessional mourners”, not missin’ a funeral, mos’ times brekkin’ down wid de grief, while all de time duh en got a clue who dead, or barely know de decease or duh fambly. Philomena was tellin’ muh ’bout one sech woman. Rain or shine, she dey! She jes’ din inten’ to miss out ’pon neffin! Sometimes she even us-ed to hitch a ride wid de hearse ef she c’n ketch a bus! Now, how could a drive-t’rough funeral parlour evuh suit we?
A while back, it woulda suit me jes’ fine! I went to a early afternoon funeral at a church in town, an’ en’ up a total wreck!
Firs’, I lef home late an’ c’n fine no parkin’ when I reach de church! I had to circle ’roun’ an’ ’roun’ fuh, I en know hummuch times befo’ I finally spot a space. It did too small, but I still squeeze in, an’ gi’e de car one long scrape! Mo’ bad luck when I get out de car an’ realize de rain was startin’ to pelt down!
Now, when I lef’ home, rain din ‘pon de horizon so I en had no umbrella, but I c’n stop to shelter, I was too late. Rushin’ ’long, I only notice de crack in de road when I hear “snap” – shoe heel gone! I still had to t’enk God it din muh ankle! I shoulda turn back at dah p’int, but I decide I could as well keep goin’, an’ hobblin’ ’long, I reach de church damp, tired an’ vex as France fuh findin’ muhself in dis situation!
Sence dah experience, I mek up my min’ dat ef I cyahn get a taxi or beg fuh a lif’, early afternoon funerals in town scratch offa my lis’! Sorry, but I cyahn tek de hassle! I sennin’ a wreaf!
Tek care o’ yuhself
Yuh frien’ Babsie