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Somet’ing always happenin’ ‘pon dis rock!

shadiasimpson, [email protected]

Somet’ing always happenin’ ‘pon dis rock!

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Dear Nesta,
HOW YOU, GIRLCHILE? Evuht’ing now quiet agen ’pon de Western Front sence de Games done? Don‘ t’ink de closin’ ceremony din gran’, aldoh fuh me, it was li’l too long! Yuh could see Engelant spen’ money enuff fuh dese Games, doh! An’ yuh mus’ admit it turn out awright!
Well, nex’ time it gine be in Rio, an’ I lookin’ to see wuh de Brazilians gine do to go one better! It seem to me as ef it is always a competition – even befo’ de Games start – between de countries dat get pick to hol’ de Olympics! Each one tryin’ to out-do de nex’! Ef de Caribbean was to evuh get pick, it would cos’ dese islan’s a mob-o’-ton o’ money! I en know whey we would get it from, but ef we did, I could jes’ see some o’ we politicians, ’specially “yuh know who” (no name, no lock-up), pompasettin’ all ‘bout de place slappin’ ’e ches’ ’bout dis great achievement dat would be happenin’ onder ’e watch! But I only jokin’! I en know when dah could evuh happen, ‘cause nowadays, money scarce an’ gettin’ mo’ scarce!  
Now dah is only my humble opinion an’ I could be wrong, ’cause cash mussee hidin’ somewhey, or else Guvment c’n fin’ nearly $600 000 to spen’ ‘pon de Alexandra School Commission o’ Inquiry! Dat been now goin’ on fuh weeks, but I hear it should en’ by monf-en’! I us-ed to follow de proceedin’s in de papers but recently, I jes’ glance at de headlines. I en able to fill muh head wid all de confusion! To tell de troof, it put’ muh in min’ o’ some o’ dem TV talk shows whey people from de projecks an’ de trailer parks does get up an’ start to carry on, talkin’ out all duh personal bizness fuh de whole worl’ to hear! As de ole people us-ed to say, “Mout’ open, story jump out”! Lord have ‘Is mercy!
At we local “show”, de commissioner gettin’ all manner o’ advice how ’e should deal wid de principal – pay ’e out, ax ’e to resign, offer early retirement, I even hear de word “psychiatris’” get call. Philomena tell muh dat all dis upheaval remin’ she o’ de Passion Play, when Pilate, after washin’ ’e han’s o’ de whole t’ing, jes’ t’row Jesus to de crowds! She glad enuff she gran’daughter en at dah school, ’cause wid summuch ill feelin’s flowin’ at dis inquiry, it look like it gine tek some time fuh t’ings to get back to normal. I hey in my corner, lissenin’ to de experts! I always hear evuh story got t’ree sides, an’ one o’ dem is de troof, an’ I believe de commissioner is a man well able to fin’ it, wid or widout de aid o’ Dr Boobee!  
Talkin’ ’bout experts, I see Hammie-La like ’e tekkin’ on dah role sence ’e announce ’e leffin’ politics.  After hoppin’ hither, tither an’ yon, dey en no ethuh party to try out, so neffin lef’ to do but tek dat final leap –  right outta politics! So de poor gine lose duh “messiah”?
On de way out, he seem to t’ink it necessary to gi’e ’way some free (expert?) advice to anybody dat would lissen. Unity is strengfh, says Hammie, anybody t’inkin’ o’ brekkin’ fuh ‘eself should fuhget it! I wonder why he should say dat, neh? I smell a rat! Yuh know de sayin’ ’bout  dem an’ sinkin’ ships! An’ it seem ’e even want to prophesy ’bout de election date! Hammie gi’in’ ’e mouf nuff liberty, soul! You would believe, dat in all de years, I never once see dat man in my districk? Anyhow . . . I still wish ‘e de bes’ in wuhevuh nex’ ’e turn ‘e han’ to!  
Tek care o’ yuhselfYuh frien’ Babsie