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DE MARKET VENDOR: Jamaicans ah run t’ings

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR: Jamaicans ah run t’ings

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The Olympics done, everybody gone home, de Brits proud as peacocks as they should be at having staged an amazing Games in one of the busiest cities of the world.
Suddenly, we got a Caribbean team.
Amazing how when it suit politicians we does hear ’bout a Caribbean team, but lest we forget, the gold medals were won by Jamaica, The Bahamas, Trinidad and Tobago and Grenada, not as a Caribbean team but as individual countries. De Trinis, who got more holidays than almost any other nation on earth, declare yet another holiday. Good thing dem didn’t get all de gold Jamaica won cause them woulda have six new holidays.
Mitt Romney must be got he tail between he legs after putting he foot in he mout and talking foolishness about Britain not being ready.?Anyway, the prime minister of Britain put he in he place.
Iffing I was Usain Bolt, I would not bother to face anudder Olympics. He got a perfect record. He started he career wid a world record and end it wid one. He ain’t got nutten to prove, only nuff money to mek! Some Amurcans li’l vex cause he pelt licks in Carl Lewis. It was ’bout time.
Carl been mekking some very disparaging remarks ’bout de Jamaicans fuh awhile. And poor Asafa Powell, he like de did get target, getting wake up at all hours of de night to check he wee wee! I does get up to wee sometimes but dat is by choice. Imagine men waking you up to pee so them can check fuh drugs?
I got some advice fuh de Jamaicans, wunnah got a secret that everybody trying to brek ever since Bolt and he people declare in China dat he does eat plenty yam. Iffing I was wunnah, all like now I would be marketing Jamaican yam – my slogan: “Not just for athletes.” Dis thing could go viral and become famous all over the world. It is a sure winner!
I can just see restaurants all over de world with the delicacies from de land of wood and water pun de menu: “Jamaican jacket potatoes, the real deal!”
Young Keshorn Walcott, from Toco, Trinidad, get treat real good. De man get TT$1million, plus 20 000 square feet of land, a big house in Federation Park plus a scholarship. And that is fuh starters. I hope Kams gine give he money to run de house, cause de Federation Park houses real big, like de big houses in Pine Gardens, and it gine tek some warm dollars to maintain! One thing, de Trinis know how to treat dem people!
And then there is Kirani James.?Surely, he deserve to get something too from Grenada, a nice house or land in Old Westerhall Point or True Blue or a piece pun de beach in Grand Anse would be nice! He deserve to get treat real nice, cause he give de Spice Isle a gold medal!
De jokes start too. Duh say de IOC gine use whistles in future cause Jamaican sprinters got an advantage cause when them hear a starter’s gun dem does tek off like lightning! Duh could mek as much sport as duh want, little Jamaica ruling de world!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and wonderful day, yuh hear?