DEAR ALEX,
Is me, Market Vendor. I understand that an apology being drafted de past two weeks by Sir Roy of de Workers’ Union, to be approved by Freundel and maybe Esther, then fuh you to issue publicly as part of de deal to avoid a national strike.
It remind me of times when I would misbehave as a child and my mudder woulda wring muh ears fuh doing a sibling wrong: “Tell yuh sister sorry fuh hitting she.” Hear muh: “Sorry,” while under my breath: “Sorry ah didn’t brek yuh foot!”
When sorry got to be dragged out and tek nearly two weeks to come, wha kind of sorry that is, Alex muh brudder? I know you is a man of strong will and don’t brek easy. I know dem words ain’t coming easy. Sorry must be immediate, contrite, sincere and nobody should need to insist that yuh say sorry; otherwise sorry is to mek dem feel good, not convey regrets. I know you is not a man wid regrets, true?
 I want to share two LIME experiences dat might cause yuh to tell me sorry. One time I did renting a house near wunnah headquarters in Wildey. Fuh nearly two years de phones use to crackle or stop working. After nuff complaining, one day while I was sleeping a technician arrive, insist he had to see me before entering.
So de household wake me up. Groggy, I went out to hear: “Sir, my name is [Bascombe – changed to protect de guilty]. I come to fix de phone. De charge is $67.80 per hour or part. Come in or go back to LIME?
“You serious?” I ask. He repeat: “Sir, my name is [so and so]. The charges is . . . .” “Muh brudder, I can’t fix it myself. Yuh come to fix it, fix it.”
Gone back to sleep. Suddenly, knock, knock again! Dis time I cruel. “He want you again,” I hear. “Sir,” he announce, “I finish.” Delighted, I thank he fuh fixing de phone, only to hear: “Sir, I didn’t tell you I fix de phone. I tell you I finish!”
“So if you ain’t fix de phone, how come you gine long? “Sir, it is quarter to four. LIME does not pay overtime. I have to get back in by 4:30 p.m.”
The urge to commit a felony strong. I watching a piece ah pipe by de wall and feeling to loose it in he backside, but I frighten fuh Dodds and Vaseline. Next time he come, he say de house want rewiring ’cause water getting into de phones. Since the house was limestone, dat wasn’t happening. A private contractor fix de problem. Note: no rewiring.
I move back to my own house. Again, problems. De LIME technician come and say because de wiring underground in cable, when rain fall de water getting into the conduit. Sound reasonable, but I ask myself, how come it not getting into the electrical conduit, only de telephone one, yet both cables run underground in de same place? A private technician check and discover de problem was pun de LIME pole, where water and ants was causing havoc wid de box. Imagine I woulda dig up my whole yard and de problem still not fix.
So, Alex, ah know you wasn’t there at de time, but I want an apology, in words I must approve, from LIME fuh dese and other mistakes. If Roy can get an apology and he phone wukking, wha ’bout me?
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?
