DEAR CHRISTINE: Want husband to give me more space
I am a 35-year-old mother of three. I have had the same problem with my husband ever since we were dating.
My husband is what you can call a fifth wheel! When I have friends over, he is always right there. My girlfriends and I can be sitting at the kitchen table talking about anything from childbirth to table settings, and he will come in, sit down and throw in his two cents’ worth.
It’s embarrassing; no one else’s husband ever hangs around. They are all somewhere watching football, having a brew or whatever else men do when women aren’t around.
It makes me so mad I could spit fire. I don’t sit in the middle when my husband’s friends come over. I try to respect his privacy. What would I have in common with a bunch of men anyway? That’s why I can’t understand why he’s always sitting around with all of us women.
How can I tell him to get lost without hurting his feelings? The only thing that has kept me from blowing my stack so far is the fact that I love this man and I know how sensitive he is.
He will be hurt if I tell him I don’t want him around my friends and me all the time. No matter how nice I am, he’ll take it as an insult.
Your concern is not one without a solution – or an explanation, for that matter.
It appears to me as though you have married a man who does not fit into the usual masculine stereotype and appears to have broader interest in you and your friends than in your friends’ husbands. Many women would love to have a husband like yours, someone with more than the usual common male interests.
However, since you’re feeling trespassed, rather than wait until you explode with frustration, find a time when he’s receptive and explain that there are times when women like to discuss “private” things and the presence of a man is inhibiting.
He should also consider that your friends need some time alone with you, too.