Dear Christine,
After 30 years I still feel immensely hurt because of a failed relationship. My sweetheart from school broke off our engagement when we were in our early 20s. Our lives back then were going in different directions. I was going on to university and she was partying.
Over the years I never really got over the hurt, even though I have been married for 20 years and have a loving family. I also have a great job.
The wound was recently reopened when she reconnected with me through our former school website. She told me about her life, which has had its ups and downs, and about the struggles she went through.
She now lives overseas and is happily married but “just wanted to see what I’m doing and how my life ended up”. I never replied to the email as it hurts too much.
How do I get over this? Does the pain ever truly go away?
– A.H.
Dear A.H.,
It does, but you have to see things through different eyes and not through the lenses of yesteryear.
You’ve come a long way and can thank God that you have a successful career, a happy marriage and a loving family.
Your pain will dissipate when you stop nursing your old hurts and start counting your blessings.
Quit dwelling on a disappointment from 30 years ago; it’s not fair to your wife or children. Brooding is wasted effort.
It only diminishes the present and you have already wasted enough time looking over your shoulder.
Live in the present and stay in the present.
What did not happen 30 years ago was never meant to be. Stay focused and leave the past behind. However, if you think you need to get some things off your chest, discuss the situation with a trusted friend or trained counselor.
– CHRISTINE
