DE MARKET VENDOR: All we doing is beating
Recently, I been turning my mind to de matter of violence. And as much as I try, it seem dat we include violence in lots of things we does do, whichin causing me to tink dat we need to get below de surface and tek some serious action to eliminate thoughts of violence from all walks of life.
I learn early in life dat if I do foolishness, me mudder gine share licks. Spare de rod and spoil de child? Heaven forbid!
Sometimes siblings fight; next thing, beating time. “Ma, is Market is who do dat; he need a good beating!”
At school, I can’t get de damn maths work out but teacher gine beat me. In sports yuh learn to beat de enemy; you ever hear Starcom’s Paul Mayers say dat Usain Bolt won de 100 by arriving first at de finish? No, he beat dem bad.
Check Ronnie Clarke when Liverpool win an occasional football match; yuh would tink dem beat Barcelona. Ronnie would never say dat Liverpool won yesterday’s match; no, dem massacre de opposition. In CPL cricket Bubbadus Tridents start strong, dem beat everybody; in de end, is dem dat get beat up.
Violence, people, is all over de place. First thing in de morning, somebody want me to beat de eggs. Fry de eggs, dat is an escalation of de violence; boil dem? Mercy! No wonder I can’t get de eggs to taste good; dem black and blue from de beating. In future prepare my eggs lovingly, no beating.
Even in romance beating does come into play. Yuh see a chick and de mini she wearing start and end by she belly button. From behind she look like JLo; she skin smooth like a paint job pun a new Nissan, she teet white like parboiled rice, wha happen?
Yuh heart start to beat, faster and faster, even de body into dis beating. Why my heart don’t smile, why beat? I understand de part when she father come out, catch me talking to he daughter and I beat a retreat!
Music, same ting. Peter Coppin lean over de fence between we two houses and pass de headphones. Check da beat, bossman!
In TnT my boy Jus Jase insist dat men and women too does beat pan. Why dem beating it; just play de pan. I understand beating de tax man. After all, he does rinse out we backside all de time, especially nowadays.
Even in de kitchen I see dem beating de meat? Wha de meat do? Small wonder it like cardboard; it tense up! De dog poopsie in de wrong place, he get beat.
Wherever yuh turn, it is beating. Men does claim dat dem beat some liquor last night, and de cat too, whatever dat mean!
African snails beating me; bills not beating, dem killing me. Dese days even my headphones into beating. My favourite pair name, you guessed it, Beats!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?