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DEAR CHRISTINE: His slaps bring back memories

marciadottin, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: His slaps bring back memories

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Dear Christine,
When I was a child growing up, I used to see my father beat my mother. I hated it and believe a man should never hit a woman. Now something has happened between me and my boyfriend that makes me remember those days.
He is loving and kind one day, then becomes fretful the next. Last month we had an argument and he said something really nasty to me. I tried to slap him but before I could do so, he slapped me several times, then turned and walked away.
I did not hear from him for a few days but because I missed him, I called and apologised. I am worried about his violence. Will it happen again? Why did I have to apologise even though he was at fault for saying what he did to me?
What do you think about this, Christine?
– L.P.
Dear L.P.,
I think you need to be honest with yourself and accept the fact that you were the one who first raised your hand when you attempted to slap your boyfriend. On the other hand, while his actions have exacerbated a relationship crisis between you two, you both need to watch your violent streaks.
This incident should therefore be a warning sign for both of you. Trying to slap him was risky and he retaliated. However, you should seriously stop and consider whether he could be a man like your father when provoked. After all, he did slap you several times, prior to which he said something really nasty.
You did the right thing by apologising – after all, your action led to his physical abuse. However, he also owed you an apology. Did he apologise?  
Use this incident as a benchmark to determine if this is a relationship you’ll want to stay in.
Seems to me as though it can become volatile.