DEAR CHRISTINE: My husband hates to socialise
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED for 26 years. My children are both grown up and married. They also live abroad.
My problem is my husband who does not want me out of his sight. All he wants to do is come in from work, have a shower and sit before the television. He will only get up for dinner.
Christine, I am very bored with this kind of lifestyle. He was always a quiet person, but I hoped as time went by that he would adjust to people.
In the early days our old friends would come and visit us. In addition, as the children were growing up, their friends would come to the house. Somehow my husband managed not to get too involved.
When the children were younger, it was easy for me to attend their school functions, but now I do not have an excuse for going out. Most of our friends have stopped coming around as we never visit them in their homes.
I have tried talking this problem over with my husband, but he does not see why I would want to be out when I can sit around at home with him. I get bored doing that. Please do not get me wrong, I love my husband and I like my home. I also appreciate all that he had done to provide for us, but right now I just seem to be drifting by.
He is planning a holiday later in the year, but I do not see the sense of all this. Chances are, we will just end up in a hotel room with little else to do but what we are doing at home.
I believe you need to stop drifting and start planning a course of action that will give you a break from the routine which you find so boring. I am sure it won’t hurt your husband if you were to get involved in a charitable organisation, try your hand at flower arranging, gardening or even find some church-related activity where you can lend support.
This will bring you into the company of others and give you some fresh interest. I also feel that you should still invite your friends to your home from time to time. You can also find out what your husband likes to talk about and start a conversation which would interest him.
Most people show an interest in politics and cricket. Perhaps you can start there. This could be a warm-up session before the holiday which I think you should take. While on holiday, get him out to other places – perhaps places of historical interest.
Let your husband know ahead of time that while you are prepared to spend some time looking at the television, you won’t go if that is all he plans to do.