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DEAR CHRISTINE: Eager to marry but scared of his past

marciadottin, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Eager to marry but scared of his past

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Dear Christine,
I am writing this letter for your help. I am 30 years old and my boyfriend is 54. We have a child together and have been together for the past ten years.
While he wants to marry me, I’m scared of his past life. He has also told me to wait. Christine, this man will soon turn 60, and while I love him very much, I don’t know if I can wait anymore. I am of the view that he should know if he wants to marry me or not.
My friends told me that I should look for someone my age and forget about him. However, they do not understand that I have been with him for so long. We have a child together, a nice home and nice cars. He treats me very well.
I need your help on this. Should I stay or should I find someone new?
– Undecided
Dear Undecided,
You truly appear to be very indecisive about a number of things when it comes to this man.
The big question is: what is your heart telling you and have you taken the child you have together into consideration?
Looking in from the outside, it would appear this man is using his “supposedly offer” of marriage to keep you holding on. What do you want?
There are many questions racing around in your mind. Should I stay or should I go is the one you finally ask.
I believe you should confront this man and let him know you want to settle down and not shack up as you appear to have been doing for some time.
Do not be afraid to give him an ultimatum. If he is truly keen on having you in his life, he’ll commit. However, if he continues to put wedding plans on the back-burner, you should leave.
I have another question for you. What is it about his past that scares you?
Does it scare you enough to fear having a future with him? That’s another question you must ask yourself.
You’re a young woman and this man is almost twice your age. If you have any doubt at all about committing the rest of your life to him, do not make the mistake of saying “I do” if the answer which keeps popping up in your head is, “I really don’t know”.
I am not saying that his age has a whole lot to do with the equation of things, but you have already given him the past ten years of your youth, and it is obviously that you have your doubts about him; so I’m cautioning you. Do not make any decision if there is doubt and uncertainty in your heart.
Talk to him about the future and if his response or answers do not add up, then you will have to make that all important decision to leave him.
The nice house and cars are fine, but they will not bring true happiness.
While you are thinking on all the things I’ve asked you to consider, I’d like to recommend that you put together a list of all the things you like about this guy and those things you dislike. Weigh them together and you’ll be in a better position to answer your own questions.