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I CONFESS: Real love lasts lifetime


BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

I CONFESS: Real love lasts lifetime

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Many years ago I walked out on my wife and children and into the arms of another woman.
The new woman in my life offered an opportunity to grow and become more successful in life and I jumped at the opportunity.
Even though I did not really love the woman, I wanted a chance to travel and make something of my life so that my children would not have to encounter the same struggle I had in life.
I tried to explain the situation to my wife. I told her that I loved her and I would never love anybody else, but that I had to make this move because I wanted her and our children to have a future with real options. Needless to say she blistered me and we went our separate ways.
However, I did not neglect my responsibility even though I had moved on. I remained committed to her and our children by sending money back to support them; by sending barrels of foodstuff and clothes; by sending letters regularly and calling several times a month.
Wherever possible, I would also send a separate set of money for home repairs or to buy household items when necessary.
With time my wife mellowed and she started talking with me again when I called, but it was always about the children, the house, family, the neighbours and friends. And at the end of every conversation I always told her that I still loved her – because I did.
Though we talked she never discussed the woman and my relationship with her. And though I was curious, I never once asked her if she was seeing somebody. But I used to ask members of my close family, and they all told me they never heard or saw her talking with anybody.
My feelings for my wife were deep because she and I grew up together and I knew she was a decent person. But we were poor and after we had had our children in quick succession, money was tight.
I became attracted to a foreign woman while working on her new house here. She visits occasionally and wanted me to go back with her to do work in her country, so I jumped at the chance.
My wife was certain the woman wanted more than a good tradesman and tried to stop me from going, and that was why we parted so badly. She only relented after I did right for her and the children.
As for my relationship with the woman, I was her man in every way. The only thing we did not have together was children because she was a mature woman who was a lot older than me.
I remained with her for over ten years before she got ill and I was forced to put her in a nursing home since I could not take care of her satisfactorily. But before my friend fell ill, I sent for my sons and they spent a whole summer vacation with me.
A few months after my friend took ill and I put her in a home, I returned to Barbados a “new man”. For the first time in my life I had money – I was somebody. I was able to start a small business and build a new home for me and my family.
My wife and I reconciled, but it was very difficult for her to accept me at first. Eventually she came to see that my love for her had never waned despite the years we were apart while I sought out another woman.
But in our case real love and lasting friendship endured all the obstacles and disappointment and today we live like two lovebirds.
My wife loved me and I loved her, and that is why we are together today.
I am not saying what I did was right, and because I did it for the betterment of my family that makes it okay. I know better than that!
But I am glad I took the chance offered, and I’m equally grateful to my wife for waiting for me.
She eventually did have a relationship some years after I left but left that man when I returned. I was lucky she still loved me and wanted me more than him.
Given my life experience, I would urge other men to think long and hard about leaving their families to go off with somebody else.
Sometimes we go after money and material things, but the real things in life like love don’t cost anything and should be treasured above all else.

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