Dear Christine,
I have been in a relationship with a man for the past three years and now he wants us to get married.
My parents never approved of the friendship because on more than one occasion he has struck me. Once he twisted my arm so badly, it hurt for days.
My parents found out from one of their friends that his last girlfriend left him because of physical abuse. When he comes to the house to pick me up, my parents refuse to come out to speak to him.
They have told me if I marry him, I will not have their blessing. They believe that since he has hit me in the past, he will keep on doing so in the future.
However, he has asked me for another chance to prove himself. I believe he deserves it.
Should I trust my parents’ judgement and leave him alone, or should I go ahead with plans to marry him?
– S.K.
Dear S.K.,
You have asked an outright question and I will give you an outright answer.
Trust your parents’ judgement and leave this abuser alone. That is what he is.
I can just imagine this man getting you into a house alone with him where he can make mincemeat out of you when he is ready.
A leopard cannot change his spots and it is obvious to me, judging from your letter, that this man has anger management issues which he needs to deal with.
He cannot love you and abuse you at the same time. So think hard! It’s not love.
There are many battered women in this country who are living in constant fear for their lives because of cowardly men with no backbones.
Take a look back and realise that too many women have also died tragically at the hands of their lovers/husbands.
Most of those who are now being abused are in this predicament because they gave the man they love another chance after he hit them the first time.
Your parents’ concern and opposition to your relationship with this hot-tempered man are well founded.
Men who vent their anger by beating up women are cowards. While they will ill-treat their women folk the moment their anger flares, they rarely are bad-tempered enough to pick on men their own size or bigger.
If you ignore your parents’ warning, chances are in the very near future they will have cause to say, “We told you so”.
Find another life partner. This one is a bad apple.
– CHRISTINE
