DEAR CHRISTINE: Once-a-month sex not cutting it
I lived with my partner for two years before we were married two months ago. For the last year he has hardly made love to me. It happens about once in four to six weeks.
We are still in love and both take the marriage seriously, but he will not talk about it.
He says my bringing up the subject just makes him feel self-conscious. He is 34 years old and I am 25.
When we make love, he has to be the dominant one. If I try to initiate sex, he rejects it brusquely. He does everything and won’t even let me touch him.
I am at my wit’s end and do not know what to do. Can you give me some much needed advice?
Umph! You have a problem which I believe must be dealt with by a marriage counsellor. Don’t let it slide. It is too serious.
A counsellor will initially talk to you and him separately, to find out what you cannot tell me.
You see, it’s not a problem that you have. It’s also a problem that he has. As a result, hearing both sides of the story will be necessary to solve the issue(s) which exists.
Since he is not talking to you, you really do not know if it is some resentment on his part, some other woman in his life, a homosexual conflict or fear of his losing his ability to make love unless he uses a powerful dominating fantasy.
Your husband also appears hostile. Has he always been like this, or only since you’ve been married? Something is definitely wrong.
Tell him the situation is intolerable and he has to see a marriage counsellor with you or you have to talk about a divorce. Don’t be afraid to take this step. Things cannot go on like this.
I’m not saying people have to have sex every night, but when you are so upset and he persists in this behaviour and won’t discuss it, then you will have to take the necessary steps.