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Feeling trapped with man I don’t love

Barbados Nation

Feeling trapped with man I don’t love

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Dear Christine,

I am 20 years old and my husband is 24. We got married when I was 18 years and pregnant. That’s the way he and my mother wanted it.

I told them at the time I did not want to get married because I was too young but they all said it was for the best. How can it be for the best when I have to live with a man I do not love? I told him so but he says I must stay with him for the child’s sake. He said he loves us and would do anything for us.

He does not go anywhere apart from work. If he asks me to go out with him and I refuse to do so, he would rather stay home than go by himself.

Christine, if I wake up on any given day and I do not feel well, he would do all the household work. He even gives me breakfast in bed some mornings. It hurts to see how much he loves me.

Do you think it is because I did not want to marry so young that I do not love him? Some nights I cry myself to sleep when I think about what I am doing to this man who loves me so much. I feel trapped.

– C.A.


Dear C.A.,

I’m pleased to see you have a conscience and that you can admit how well this man treats you. You shouldn’t feel trapped. You should feel loved. You had better try to pull your marriage together and stop looking at the shadow of the bone in the water.

You know what you have but not what you will get. This man is doing whatever he can to make you happy, yet you’re complaining about your life. You have a good husband and you know that. Why can’t you care for and love what is so lovable and kind?

One of the mistakes many people make when it comes to relationships is that they feel passion says it all. It does not. Love is not always about passion. It was passion that got you in trouble in the first place.

Instead of thinking of a way out of your marriage, I suggest very strongly that you start counting your blessings, name them one by one and thank God for what you have.

You are no longer 18 years old. You are 20, a mother and a wife. You have a loving husband and your child has a devoted father who is committed to making her life easy.

Change gears quickly! Switch off your old regrets of marrying too young. Do this before your husband gets fed up trying to keep his marriage intact. I guarantee you that if that ever happens, you’ll wake up and smell the roses.

Please take my advice and give your marriage a chance.