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I CONFESS: Sweet life not forever

Barbados Nation

I CONFESS: Sweet life not forever

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WHY WOULD A MAN say he loves a woman and that she is the best thing that ever happened to him, and yet have other women behind her back?

This is what happened to me, and up to this day I just cannot understand it.

The next thing that I cannot get my mind around is why some men feel that they have to spend big to impress their friends, yet they can’t afford it.

That is so stupid. Yet I hear women complaining about this attitude with their men all of the time.

My husband did both of these things. What made it worse was that because his father held a top post in the Government and was well known, he felt he could get away with anything. That attitude got worse after he joined the same institution; then he would do as he liked.

But as sweet life doesn’t last forever, some time after his father retired, he came under real pressure for his productivity. That was because for years he did as little as possible and people used to cover for him as his father was the big boss. But with daddy gone, a spotlight was shone on him.

The new people in charge began to probe some of his activities when he was on duty. They would have heard rumours about him, like how he used the institution’s vehicles to ferry women to and fro, or be intimate with them while on duty. And the more they dug, the less impressed they were with his job performance.


Days numbered

Plus, his lifestyle made it look like he was spending more money than his salary grade could even afford. By that time he had three children from three different women, and one with me. We later married.

Realising that his days may have been numbered, he resigned from his job and applied to do similar work overseas. So he and I packed up and went to that country. I saw it as a chance for a fresh start – no more having to deal with his manipulating children’s mothers; no more colleagues who would cover for him while he was out being worthless, and no more reason for him to be spending big.

To me, the move was a chance for us to get closer as a couple, and an opportunity for him to realise his potential as a man. So, I welcomed it.

At first, things went well. He was a good husband and was focused on his new job. He had the experience to do it, so I was confident that he would have done well; all he needed to do was concentrate on what he was doing. But just when I was beginning to feel he had changed, his spendthrift nature raised its ugly head again.

He bought a used car for us to get around in, which was quite adequate. But as time went on he bought an SUV for me, though I told him that as he was the only one working we could not afford it and still be able to save something properly. But he didn’t listen; he had to be all show as usual.

Then I started to get phone calls from a woman who claimed she was involved with him. I don’t know what she was doing to him, but in spite of all the love he said he had for me, he began to treat me really badly in the manner he spoke to me.

At work, too, his increasingly bad attitude and show-off nature got the attention of his managers. Again they started investigating his activities and, like his bosses in Barbados, they were not impressed with his productivity and general performance. So, again fearing the umpire’s finger, he resigned that job, too. Now we’re back here, in debt, with no job, and separated.

My husband has managed to throw away a promising career twice – how stupid can any man be? And for what? Sex? Show?

Some men just don’t get it. They don’t realise that life is much more than about appearances and good looks. They don’t realise that what they sow they will reap.