Dear Christine,
I am 16 years old and have been in a relationship for two years.
I will admit that I have an attitude problem. Just recently I said to my elder sister I have to change for my boyfriend because he really loves me. However, one night he visited me and left to go out for something.
He usually leaves his phone open because he says “there is nothing to hide”. However, I took the liberty of going into his phone and right there was this screenshot from a person named “person”. It’s funny, but true.
He asked about the person leaving the house, then the conversation did not go any further. I cannot recall all I saw but it read somewhere in the message: “Got me wanting more. Now I have to tell it behave.”
That was the person’s response. When he returned I didn’t know what to do. I broke down and did not allow him to touch me.
I even returned a sweater which I gave him but was at my home. I told him “I’m done” but
he begged and pleaded right there.
I blocked him from Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp. I even blocked his number so it would go straight to voicemail, but he called from a private number and I answered. Guilty!
I didn’t tell him I saw the message in his phone. I said a friend showed me. He said he did not delete the screenshot because he was contemplating whether or not to tell me or just walk out of my life.
He said the whole situation was tearing him up at night.
Christine, he apologised several times during each conversation we’ve since had.
He used to act like he was perfect and swore he did not have time for anyone else. He even lied and made me out to be the bad person because I slept with a girl.
What he does not know is that I slept with three other guys; two of whom I was talking to when I was really young and could not have sex with at the time. So, whenever I told him it was over, those persons were always there. I started hanging out with them and things happened.
I am wrong but I still don’t consider it cheating. I am so ticked off I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive him.
I am a person of revenge. I only did such things because I thought he was putting up a facade.
He was the one who asked for commitment and said he wanted to settle down. As a result, I never expected him to sleep with someone else.
I am of the view that we should both go our separate ways. I think he is only sorry because he got caught. What do you think? Should I give this man another chance?
– S.T.
Dear S.T.,
I always try to be honest, open and frank with each person who writes Dear Christine. As a result, sometimes I may come across as harsh and unsympathetic when I see letters such as the one you’ve written.
If I am to maintain this stance of being honest and frank, then you are going to have to accept my response to your letter from that viewpoint.
My dear, you are too young to be caught up in this web of deceit, casual sex and dishonesty that you have woven. You are no different from this young man.
You are two young people (at least I hope he is) who are playing a love game that can ultimately cause you a lot of heartache and may affect those who are innocently involved.
I do not only suggest that you leave this man alone, but that you make wise use of your time by concentrating on your education and securing a future for yourself.
You had absolutely no right whatsoever to search that cellphone but you did and are paying the consequences.
Look at your own life. You’ve already been involved in a lesbian relationship and have engaged in casual sex with three other males, plus your “boyfriend”.
It’s time to take a reality check because you’re heading nowhere fast.
You’ve asked for advice and you’ve received it. It’s now time to act on it before it’s too late.
– CHRISTINE
