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DEAR CHRISTINE: Almost fell for my real father


DEAR CHRISTINE: Almost fell for my real father

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DEAR CHRISTINE, I don’t really know how to start my letter to you. I am in an embarrassing position right now and I have only my mother to blame for it.

I don’t hate her, Christine; I cannot. She is my mother, but I despise her for what she has done to me.

I intend to forgive her, although I am not quite sure if she will ever understand that by forgiving her I release myself from the harmful consequences of keeping unforgiveness in my heart.

Christine, for the past 20 years my mother has made me call a man who is not my father daddy. It was only recently – three weeks to be exact – that I learnt who my real father was.

Became attracted

Christine, I am tearing up inside, because what makes the matter so hard is that I became attracted to this man. It was only when my mother found this out that she told me the truth.

Luckily for me, I never had a real conversation with this man. We just exchanged greetings in passing and I only admired him from a distance and from seeing him go to and from work.

The story of my life goes like this: My mother got pregnant when she was 17 years old. At that time she lived with her aunt, who raised her because her mother, my grandmother, left the island when my mother was just a year old to seek greener pastures.

My mother never told her sister who my real father was because she was afraid of what my grandmother would have said.

Apparently, I have been told that the two families were always at loggerheads and my mother was not even allowed to say anything to anyone in that family.

My mother got married two years after she went abroad and only returned to the island four months ago for a six-month stay and to finally make the necessary arrangements for me to join her overseas.

I was always told that my father was my mother’s husband. There was never any need to dispute this.

My real father was only 17 years old when my mother got pregnant for him, so as you can see, they are still relatively young people; just 37 years old.

My real father still does not know that I am his daughter because my mother refused to “dig up the past”.

‘Let sleeping dogs lie’

She says that after all these years, it is best to let sleeping dogs lie and that her husband has supported me as his child from the time I was a toddler.

My “father” is a man in his mid-40s and is not from my country.

Christine, I believe my real father should know he has a daughter. I do not believe he should go to his grave without knowing this. I have run my own checks on him and know that he never got married even though he has a son who is seven years younger than I am.

I need your take on this.

– P.L.

Dear P.L.,

This is a very difficult one. You see, you are old enough to confront this man if you so desire, but you would appear to be out of place if you were to do so.

Your mother is the one who will have to break the ice, so to speak. If she is not willing right now to let this man know that you are his child, then you may have to confront her again on this matter.

I must say that it’s a good thing your mother came into the island when she did. What if you had actually started a relationship with this individual?

I still maintain it’s a ticklish situation to be in and I would welcome the views of readers.

In the meantime, sit still and stay tuned. Perhaps your mother will come to her senses and let this man know the truth. That apart, there are a whole lot of other family members (from your father’s side) whom you’re yet to know and who are yet to know you.

Think about their reaction.

I’m hoping that readers will share their views, so please follow your story online at

Just in case you cannot, I’ll share any views that come in via this Dear Christine column.