DEAR CHRISTINE, I AM IN my late 40’s. I am perfectly healthy and have at this time pulled out of the grief of losing my husband. My children who are teenagers are sulking and showing in every way possible they do not want me to get married again.
Up to quite recently this was no problem, since there was no one I was interested in. Actually, for a long time I never thought I could become interested in anyone. Time as you very well know takes care of all things.
There was nothing I could do to bring my darling husband back. At first I was like a stone statue. I did nothing and was interested in nothing.
Anyway, my church group pulled me out and gradually I was glad to be in contact with other people. In time, I met a very devout member of my church who loves me and of whom I have grown quite fond.
My children however object to this. Is there any way you can suggest that I can make them understand that I am not ready to be put out to graze like some old horse?
– NP
Dear NP,
Unfortunately many children feel that their parents’ remarriage is an act of disloyalty to the one who is dead and gone.
I suggest you explain to your children your own need for companionship which their father can no longer supply. They can also be reminded of the time when they will be leaving their nests to have homes of their own.
In the course of time they will be seeking their own happiness and some consideration should be given to your own needs for companionship.
If the person you care for is worthy of your affection, do not give him up for the sake of some misguided loyalty to the children.
This you cannot ignore, but there is a limit to which you can give yourself to them without depriving yourself entirely of the companionship and affection that as long as life lasts you are entitled to.
I think if you sit down with them and explain it all, you’ll find the acceptance you are seeking.
– CHRISTINE
