DEAR CHRISTINE, I am writing from one of the islands. I read your column online and I love the information and advice that you give to others.
I am 26 years old and I am in love with a young woman – who is the subject of my letter.
I met “Annie”, as I would call her, three years ago. When we met she was having severe problems at home. She was 20 and lived with her mother and stepdad who abused her physically, causing her much distress.
I work and have a relatively decent job, so I made provisions for Annie to rent a small apartment. I still live with my parents, as I am hoping to own my own home very soon.
I decided that while I agreed to help her, I did not want to move in with her, as I do not love the “shack up with me” lifestyle.
I also helped her to furnish the apartment and told her I would be there for her through thick and thin. While she is employed, her salary is not that huge, so I also told her I’ll help with the utilities.
Everything was going well, until one day I found out that she was cheating on me with another guy. I could not believe that she would ever do something like that to me. She asked me to forgive her and I did.
Two months later, she was still seeing the guy. She explained that he worked with her and it was virtually impossible not to see him every day. I told her if she wanted to carry on with this guy, that I would withhold the assistance I usually gave.
After some discussions and “thrashing” out the issue, she settled down and started to “wise up”.
However, I am now finding it very hard to trust her again. She told me she was sorry and that she never had any sexual relationship with the guy. She said they only talked and went no farther than a kiss.
I do not know if to believe her, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt right now. Do you think that I should put all this behind me and continue to help and love Annie?
I am thinking that what she did was wrong, especially after all I have done for her. Please answer my letter as quickly as you can, as I need to know how to handle this situation.
– J
Dear J,
If I were you I would tread very carefully. At the same time, I would also give Annie the benefit of the doubt. She may have cheated on you, but if you do love and care for her so much, you would give her another chance.
You have seemingly invested quite a bit in her. Don’t quit just yet. I think the fact that you went all out to help her tells me that you do love her. However, all of us make mistakes, bleeps and blunders at some time in our lives.
Please, don’t get me wrong, I am not taking Annie’s side. All I am saying is that with all she has gone through, give her another chance.
– CHRISTINE
