DEAR CHRISTINE: Can’t get over abusive husband
I AM FEELING depressed and this is one of the reasons that I am writing to you.
I am a divorced woman with three children – two teenagers and one small daughter. I am divorced because my husband found solace in a younger woman. I am three years younger than my ex but somehow he thinks that I am too old for him – this after we were together for 15 years.
The depressing part is that throughout those years I was always honest with my husband and although we’ve had some rough times, I never really thought that things would have gone this far.
He got involved with one of his workmates and I was treated like if I had never meant anything at all to him.
The beatings and the quarrels were something else and I would cry myself to sleep many nights because I could never understand why he was treating me like that. I never did a thing to provoke him.
All I do now when I get lonely is to help the children with their homework or make myself really busy by baking or cleaning. I would do anything to take my mind off the problem.
It has been a year now and I find that I am still lonely. I still cry a lot and I do not go out with anyone. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me and that is why he turned to someone else.
Since my marriage has broken up, their relationship has also broken up and he is seeing yet another younger woman. She is 24 and he is 39.
There are so many things that I would like to discuss with you but I know that you have lots of letters to take care of. At present, I am getting some counselling but I just felt like talking to someone. I know lots of people are facing the same problem. Keep up the good work Christine.
I hope by now that your loneliness is easing – but I suppose that is only wishful thinking.
I am sorry to hear about your pain and hope that things will turn around in your favour. I feel that you are on the right path by getting counselling. It helps to unburden yourself. I also hope that you’ll soon get over the questioning of yourself as to what you did wrong.
It could well be that if you were a saint, your husband might still have gone ahead to whatever excitement appealed to him. So you must stop trying to blame yourself. I also hope you’ll soon come across some genuine people who can provide you with friendly companionship. It would not be wise to try and replace your husband with a “stepney husband”.
Make friends and, who knows, one day someone special might emerge from the contact. Try to believe that in time all the pain and loneliness will go.