DEAR CHRISTINE: Won’t marry her with children

DEAR CHRISTINE, How are you? I hope you’re fine. Please keep up your good work and may God bless you for it.

I am in trouble and need your help. I am writing from one of the Caribbean islands.

I met a woman three years ago and we became friends. This friendship developed into an affair. I am 28 and she is 23 years older than I am.

We sleep together and it is kind of difficult to leave her. She is a very nice woman who cooks and washes for me. Many times I have been unfaithful to her. Sometimes I strike her but she would not leave me.

Christine, sometimes I tell her I do not want her and she still won’t leave me. She has two children – a boy and a girl. I like the little girl a lot but not the boy.

Many times she has asked me to marry her but I have refused. I told her if it were the little girl alone, I would have married her. In any case, I know my parents would not approve of me marrying a woman with children.

On many occasions I have asked her for us to leave each other and she told me she cannot leave just so. Despite other things, I treat her very well. I buy her clothing and every month-end I give her my salary.

Often I tell myself I don’t love her but subconsciously I do because sometime last year we were separated and I missed her. I used to think about her, then one day she came back to me and told me that since we parted she could not sleep.

I really do not want to marry a woman with children because we may have problems. Please tell me what to do.

– F

Dear F,

I also feel it would be risky for this woman to marry you since you do not like her son, you are repeatedly unfaithful to her, and you strike her. These are all feelings and attitudes contrary to those of someone who is in love with another.

I have no doubt you missed her when the two of you were apart. You missed her cooking and her keeping your clothes clean, and all else she does to make life pleasant for you.

Apart from the age difference, which you seem to consider so detrimental, you still don’t seem to be able to arrive at a judgement yourself since you are influenced by your family feeling you ought not to marry her because she has children.

I hope she will try to get over you because I feel it is just a matter of time before you leave her altogether. If staying means doing her things you’ve admitted to doing, then I hope she realises she is paying too much for the pleasure of your company.

– CHRISTINE