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DEAR CHRISTINE: Can’t stop giving men the brush-off


DEAR CHRISTINE: Can’t stop giving men the brush-off

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DEAR CHRISTINE, I am writing to you from St Vincent. I don’t know if what I am writing to you about is a real problem; I just don’t know what to call it.

I am 18 years old and I do not have a boyfriend. Sometimes I meet a guy when I go to the city. We chat and introduce ourselves.

On departure, he will ask to see me again. I’ll say yes and then he will give me his number and ask for mine, and you know what? I’ll give him a wrong name and number. I don’t know what makes me do these things.

Even the guys at school, when they were coming on too strong, I give them the brush-off. Soon I will be leaving school, for this is my second year in fifth form.

I hope to be joining the job market soon. I’m thinking I cannot keep brushing off people the way I do, or maybe I will turn into an old maid. I am very lonely and I believe it is because girls of my age should have at least one boyfriend. Don’t you think so?

– V.S.

Dear V.S.,

I don’t think you have a problem because you do not have a boyfriend. Most girls your age are too premature in taking on relationships of the kind usually associated with having a “boyfriend”.

You’ve every right to withhold your address and telephone number if you are not willing to have the boys call you at home or pay you a visit. It should not be necessary, however, to give a wrong number. That way you can make them become nuisances to innocent people.

Just tell them you’d rather not give out your number. If among them you meet anyone whose friendship you’d like to develop, invite him to your home at a specific time. You will, of course, tell your mother. The business of coming home should not be with the understanding that an affair is about to begin.

Try to be comfortable in the company of boys. Of course, some of them will try to come on too strong. You should be able to let them know that you are not ready or interested in accommodating a more personal relationship than friendship.

You should not have to buy friendship with your body. You have many more years ahead of you before you start worrying about not having a boyfriend. When you meet someone you really like, the attachment will be formed naturally. Don’t go out and get a boyfriend because you see other girls of your age doing just that.