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I CONFESS: Even animals run from abuse


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Even animals run from abuse

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THE HOLIDAY SEASON seems to bring out the worst in some men.

Through the years I have found that around this period several men like to beat up their partners over the most frivolous things.

For example, if they see their woman talking to another man – blows.

If they overhear her on the telephone and it is obviously a man she’s talking to – blows.

And if somebody tells them something about their woman, whether it is factual or concocted – blows.

Most men don’t check to find out if the man their woman was speaking with is her family or not. They just share licks.

The attitude that comes through seems to be: “I spend money on you, so you are my property to be treated anyway I want.”

I guess this happens so much during the Christmas and New Year holidays because men tend to spend more on women at that time and may feel that having spent so much they are entitled to do whatever they want.

Another reason for such ridiculous behaviour is likely because of the amount of liquor that is consumed. In fact, I am sure if a lot of the underlying factors in the men who perpetuate violence against women were traced, alcohol use would have played a role.

This holiday season gone I know personally of two situations where men beat women, causing them to flee. In one instance, a young girl was beaten by her boyfriend because he saw her talking to a man at her workplace. The thing is, she was working in the store and the man was a customer, and the girl was just being pleasant. He didn’t care. He cuffed her in her face and had it so puffy that she could not go to work on Christmas Eve and for the rest of the year.

The horrible thing about that situation is that the girl, who is in her early 20s, refused to go to the police because she “loves” him and didn’t want to see him get in trouble.

In the second case, though, the woman ran from the house late that night with her children and walked more than a mile to the police station to complain for her man. She got the police to warn him. She did the sensible thing. But she is now wary of his temper and fists.

I am strongly against men beating women because when I was young the first man I was involved with used to beat me for no reason. But young, foolish me was so much in love that I made excuses for his ill-treatment – that is why I understand that young girl’s position.

And because I defended him when he was wrong against my parents and family, it came to a point that just about every time we had a disagreement, he would either threaten to hit me, or just slap me in my face to make me shut up. And if I fought back he used to beat me real bad.

Then, after he cuffed and kicked me, he would either drag me back to the bed or would undress me right where I was on the floor and force himself on me.

The first time he did that it was after I told him I was not in the mood to have sex. We were going through a period of just quarrelling about a range of things because we just could not see eye to eye on anything. But the real reasons behind our quarrels were my jealousy and his intolerance of my talkativeness on everything.

In other words, he expected to do whatever he liked, and I was not supposed to say anything about it. I was to take his foolishness as if I did not know better or could not do better. That was not me, so we used to have confrontation after confrontation.

The other irritating thing was his demands for intercourse. For him that was the answer to settle every disagreement. In the beginning that was the way we always sought to resolve issues. At first, after a good session everything seemed all right. In fact, you hardly remembered what it was you had the disagreement about.

But with time that changed. I became increasingly frustrated because we were not communicating as we should have been, and by then the last thing I wanted to do was to be intimate.

He, on the other hand, used his fists to make me submit to his will, then completed his domination by having his way with me. What he never realised was that each time he forced himself on me, I loved him less until it came to a point where I did not care for him at all. It was when I reached that point that I took action. I left him and took everything in the house I had receipts for, which was 95 per cent of the things.

I related my story because I want women involved with men with fast hands to recognise that you do not have to stand for such treatment. You may be in love with the man, but truth be told, he does not love you; if he did, he would not beat you up.

I urge every woman who is in a dysfunctional relationship to get out of it. It is not worth it. You are more valuable than that. You are no man’s property that he can treat you with such disrespect – slavery done.

An old-time calypso called Runaway by Singing Francine best expresses what I am saying. She sang, “dog does run away, cat does run away, even horse does run way when man treating them bad.”

So women, I urge you to put “wheels on your heels” when your man begins to treat you bad. Don’t stand for the same foolishness this year as you did last year.

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