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I CONFESS: Never take a man at face value


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Never take a man at face value

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LADIES, NEVER TAKE a man at face value. Never believe that what you see and hear from any man is all there is to him.

Although many of you might say you already practise what I just said, sometimes you can drop your guard because of your feelings for the individual.

That is what happened to me although I am an experienced woman and know what men are capable of. Since that time, I do not believe anything any man tells me. Even when some come with sob stories and show you certain things that suggest what they are saying is true, the situation may not be what it appears.

An example of what I mean happened to a friend of mine. She met a man through her workplace. The man never chased after her or said or asked her anything untoward. He was always respectful.

After seven months of just casually talking to him, plus the fact that he did not wear a wedding band and never spoke of a wife or girlfriend, she decided to open up to him and see if they could develop a relationship.

In two twos they became a couple and she used to tell all of her friends that she was lucky to have a man like him in her life. He used to pay her rent and buy food for her. He never used to raise his voice, but would listen to her and always reassured her in whatever she did. For her he was a godsend.

Their relationship seemed almost perfect for almost two years until one evening when he dropped her home. A man, who was obviously hiding and waiting for them, just appeared.

The man confronted her man. He said her man should be ashamed playing he was such a loving boyfriend when in truth he cared more for him than her.

The two men then had a big noise in front of her house, so much so that some of the neighbours came outside. Embarrassed, she ran inside, while her boyfriend got in his car and drove away.

He avoided her after that for days, and when he finally called he broke off their relationship after admitting he was involved with the man.

That nearly killed my friend. She never would have guessed that he played both sides of the wicket.

That’s what I mean about not taking a man at face value. You can’t trust them no matter how nice they appear.

That brings me to what happened to me. I met a man at the airport while waiting for my brother. He was really friendly, so I had no hesitation in giving him my phone number.

We chatted mostly on weekends as the distance I have to travel to work by bus means that I leave home early and get back late. And by the time I come in at night, all I want to do is to prepare my clothes and food for the following day, bathe and sleep.

Anyway, after a few months he started saying whenever we finished talking that he loved me, but would put down the phone before I got a chance to respond.

After he did it a few more times, I was going to ask him about it. But I decided not to. Instead, I decided to investigate him and, depending on what I found out, I would know if I should try to develop our friendship more or blank him.

What I found out blew my mind. The first thing I learnt was that he has a disability in that he is legally blind. That explained his wearing of dark shades when we first met.

The thing is, he never mentioned to me that he had this problem. So since he did not mention it, I decided I wouldn’t either.

Then, one weekend out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. Of course I declined, saying we had to get to know each other better by going out and not just by talking on the phone.

Anyway, the following weekend I got a friend to take me to where he told me he lived, as he said he was going out to visit a friend. After asking around in the area we came to a house that had no electricity connected to it and the water meter had a lock on it.

I immediately wondered where he freshens up, gets his clothes cleaned and cooks.

When he called, I did not tell him what I discovered. Instead, I began asking him more personal questions than ever before. That’s when he told me that he was living with a woman for nearly 20 years and she had four children, none of which were his. As he lived with her his house was closed up and it fell into ruin.

Anyway, he and the woman separated after an incident between one of her daughters and him. He and the girl came to high words and he struck her.

When the woman came home her daughter complained about him, and he was forced to leave the house. Days later the woman turned up at his workplace with his clothes in plastic bags and left them outside for all of his workmates to see.

But the woman was not finished with him. She called a week later and told him if he did not pay her $10 000 her daughter would say that he tried to rape her. In order to save his name, he got a loan from the credit union and paid her.

Months after that he retired. He said he was now getting his pension but still paying the “rape loan” back.

After that explanation I told him I could not accept his marriage proposal, but I was willing to remain his friend. I hardly hear him now.

To this day he has never told me about his blindness. Clearly he was looking for someone to take care of him.

That is why you can’t take men at face value. Even the ones that appear so nice are usually up to something.

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